Taco 'bout it Tuesday!, bangle bracelets with heart and taco

Taco 'bout it Tuesday!

Taco 'bout it Tuesday!

Depression: Let's spill the beans.

Imagine not too long ago, you were encircled in warmth, light and happiness.  You didn't even notice the tiny cloud that drifted above you.  Before you know it, you are encompassed in a dark raging storm with not even a glimmer of light in sight.  You feel alone, and don't know which way to go.

This is how my first wave of thick, dark depression hit me.  It came on fast, and took over.  I was a mother of 2 little girls, one almost 4 and one only 6 months.  I woke up one day anxious, crying and unable to stop.  Once I was able to calm down, my baby's cry would make it start all over .  I was either crying, sleeping, screaming or just staring off into space.  I remember almost watching myself outside my body, screaming at my girls over silly things I normally would just shrug my shoulders at.  I kept thinking in my head "this is ridiculous, just stop screaming, stop crying, what are you doing?"  I felt I had no control and I was scared.

My OBGYN was the doctor I felt most comfortable seeing since she had just delivered my baby girl not long before.  It took everything I had to get dressed and drive to her office.  I kept trying to find all of the excuses I had for the way I was feeling.  I couldn't think of an exact reason to be feeling this way.  I had a hard working husband.  I had 2 healthy, beautiful girls.  We lived in a nice area, close to some family.  I went to a church with a lot of fun moms with little kids, moms like me... life should be great!  Something was truly wrong.

This happened almost 12 years ago.  I can still feel the anxiety and sadness when I think about it, like it was just yesterday.  So many ups and downs since then, but this moment marked the start of my rollercoaster of depression.

My doctor and I put a plan in motion right away.  This included a prescription, a plan for diet/exercise but most importantly to me - telling a few people close to me that I was suffering from depression.  I am here to tell you to spill the beans.  You have to talk about it.  I still get weird looks and awkwardness from those who don't know how to respond, but that is their uncomfortable reaction, not mine.  I now OWN my depression, it isn't a secret.  Secrets take so much energy to keep, and they cause a feeling of embarrassment that is unnecessarily associated with depression.  Acting like everything is ok is exhausting, and leaves you feeling even more lonely.  Don't give your depression more power over you.  Talking about it, sets you up to conquer it.  Even just one person knowing about your depression other than you, is one more person who can spot any of those small clouds creeping in.

If you suffer from anxiety, depression or see any little clouds in your life coming, please reach out to someone.  If someone reaches out to you, please respond with love.  You are amazing.  You are irreplaceable.  You are loved. 

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255


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